First, some news about where I am in the cancer treatment:
- I had a scope and biopsy a couple weeks ago to clear out any lingering or developing cancer cells
- The scope found no developing cancers, and the one sample they took for biopsy was benign
- In a few weeks I will start a different, new-to-me type of chemo treatment, that will involve 6 treatments once a week, followed by monthly maintenance treatments for a year
- This treatment is localized to the bladder so I’m hoping and praying the side effects will also be localized (and mild)
Moving on to the philosophical…
I had a kind of brainstorm this week that I need to share, in hopes of helping someone else and also to drive the point home for myself.
In these last weeks of dealing with a cancer recurrence, it’s been hard to focus on positive things. Periodically, though, I have been reminded to do so. (My pastor has even said that I needed to give myself permission not to think about the cancer sometimes. It’s more difficult than I expected.)
Something that had the biggest impact on me recently was seeing a social media post that said:
My psychiatrist told me today that ‘worrying is praying for what you don’t want’ … I worry about the same things on loop all the time, and it really is exactly like an anti-prayer or anti-meditation.
This hit me hard. I realized how double-minded I’ve been, praying for certain things to happen while worrying almost constantly about what I don’t want to happen. And at the risk of being new age-y, I do believe that being constantly focused on what you fear and don’t want only makes it more likely that those things happen, because that’s where you’ve targeted attention and energy.
Then, last week our pastor gave a sermon based on I Corinthians 7: “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.” (A passage about putting things in their proper place—to not abandon our pleasures or duties, but to realize that everything has a shelf life, and not to be too attached to anything to the detriment of what God has called us to do.)
After that, one morning my husband said to me before work, “You know, we follow politics and we generally understand what is going on and how things are, but maybe putting any more attention on it than that is really bad for our mental and spiritual health.” Instead, perhaps we needed to be spending more of that time in prayer, or the Bible, or just with each other—rather than listening to political podcasts or YouTube videos that frighten and discourage us.
In addition, I’ve been reading The Fellowship of the Ring. A couple of the guys from The Babylon Bee are discussing the book, one chapter at a time, as a sort of mini-series within the Babylon Bee podcast. I’m a huge Bee fan and thought it would be fun to read and follow along. I think I read FotR, or tried to, in high school when the first movie came out and I just couldn’t get into it. Now it feels more like the “right time.”
One theme of the books is the persistence of good. Even if we are going through difficult times, goodness will not only happen, but will persist and even prevail in the end.
And perhaps we should follow the examples of the Hobbits—not only Frodo and Sam, who say faithful and loyal and persevere through difficult times to fulfill the duties that have been set for them, but also the Hobbits back in the Shire who enjoy their homes and families and friends and good food and drink and don’t concern themselves too much with things very, very far away that they can’t control.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
All this was marinating in my brain, aided by a shower, when I realized something:
The phrase, “You can’t take it with you,” is usually used for material possessions. Whatever you acquire—from cars to jewelry to family heirlooms—you will not bring to the next life with you. Obviously, right?
But if Christians believe that, through Christ, we will defeat death and sin and all evils, and will be renewed and perfected and resurrected when Christ returns, then the idea of “You can’t take it with you,” applies to more than stuff. It applies to anything we consider bad—sin, death, disease, anxiety, poverty, injustice, etc.
And if we are continually preoccupied with those bad things, aren’t we mentally, emotionally, or spiritually accumulating things that we will leave behind?
I’m not saying that Christians shouldn’t ever think about bad things, nor that we shouldn’t actively work against evils like poverty and sickness and tyranny. I believe we absolutely should. But we need to do so with the right approach—not to be discouraged, or let these things overwhelm us, or forget the good and true things. Because God is at work in spite of these things, and they will come to an end somehow.
The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater. ~ The Fellowship of the Ring
And because I always have to bring C.S. Lewis into it—apparently—I keep thinking that Lewis might suggest that focusing too much on evils that are ultimately temporary could leave us less prepared to enjoy the goodness of heaven. I don’t know how accurate that might be, especially because I don’t agree with Lewis on all things regarding heaven and purgatory, but it’s another idea that came to me.
At the very least, it’s being obedient to Philippians 4:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
So I’m trying to enjoy the moments where nothing is going wrong, and to fill my time with enjoyable or healthy or helpful activities: reading edifying or innocently enjoyable books, making and eating good food, taking care of my house and husband, spending time outdoors, talking to friends and nurturing relationships, writing fiction, and praying to God for healing and mercy, keeping in mind that He is Good, and whatever He brings will be Good.
And just for fun, here’s the first episode of the Bee’s LotR podcast:
The Badass Introvert 